Week 57. Another one bites the dust.
This week has been the best week of my entire mission! Why? Because Elder Bednar of the Twelve Apostles came to Sweden, Stockholm to speak to us. I have been looking forward to this day for more than three months when I first heard of his coming. Not because I would be able to see my Mission Trainer, Syster Christensen for the last time before she goes home (even though it was incredibly fun to see her again). Not because we would get free lunch with candies. Love that, too. But because I would have the privilege of being taught by an Apostle in person.
We arrived at the Västerhaninge Chapel at 9:30 and quietly studied until he came at 10:00. He came in, we stood up, and the epicness began. Elder Bednar came up to the podium and told us that he wouldn't be giving a talk today, but that we would instead have a discussion. So, for three hours, we had a discussion with a Q&A Session. We discussed the Holy Ghost, Faith, Effective Prayer, and Agency. I learned about the importance of not simply praying and waiting for God to answer, but to end your prayer and start WORKING to accomplish it. I really believe that He wants us to work hard- that He will always help us, but that He asks us to do our best and He'll make up the rest.
This whole time, I was squirming in my chair because I had a question that I wanted to ask. I had been pondering about the Holy Ghost recently and I really wanted an answer. But every time that I began to stand up to ask my question, my legs wouldn't let me do it. I was terrified to speak to an apostle I have only seen in General Conference on the TV. I was having "star-shock". I tried to phrase it clearly in my mind, repeated it until I felt like it sounded good, and then stood up. The phrased question I WANTED to ask was: "How can we invite the Spirit more effectively into our lessons?" Clear, simple, understandable. Sweet! But NO. What came out was blonde McKenzie getting nervous talking to an Apostle. It was worded awkwardly like this: "In all of the talks you give, you vocally ask the Spirit to testify. How can we invite the Spirit to testify to our investigators? It's hard to describe- is there a 'checklist' we have before He can come?"
Now let's take a pause in this story for a second. This is a TRUE STORY. At this moment in time, I want to find the nearest hole and jump in it and never come out. I am blushing and soooo embarassed.
I stand as he replies, "There is no checklist!" I must have given him a weird look (Typical McKenzie) because he said, "Well, you opened your eyes a bit so let me describe something to you. Try your best. You bring goodness into the room when you walk in. Try your best. Be yourself. It will all work out."
He talked about how we overcomplicate the Spirit, thinking that things must be in a particular order in order to feel the Spirit, but he counseled us about how simply the Holy Ghost works.
After he spoke for a few minutes, (which felt like decades because I felt so scared), he asked me if he had answered my question and I nodded and thanked him and sat down.
For the rest of the time, I kept on thinking about what he said: "Try your best. Be yourself." Now, you are probably thinking, 'That is a simple answer to a complicated question', but it was exactly what I needed to hear. He knew the driving force behind my question: I don't feel like I am good enough. But when he looked at me in the eyes and told me that I brought goodness into the room and to try my best, that was all I needed. I felt the warmest feelings while talking to him- that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and doesn't want me to be hard on myself. Just to try my best and be myself.
I am incredibly grateful that I was able to go to the Conference with Elder Bednar. I learned about the Spirit, prayer, faith, but more than that, I learned about what God wants me to be doing right now... trying my best and being myself.
I love all of you, family. You are the best! Thank you for the letters and emails. You guys make my days soooo great.
Much love,
Syster McKenzie Hosenfeld
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